Win ESO and Aezurth

[TJ1524]

My favorite sex position is called WOW.
It’s where I flip your MOM over.

[Terran]

Why are you leaving though? Nice of you to give stuff away, but you might want to come back. I don't want to assume your position, but there have been times I thought I was done for good and realized I'm happy to come back later, even if it was nearly a year. It'd be nice to come back to your items.

i can't make jokes but here goes

Guy gets into a fight with someone else, and just before they start, the other person says

"so you want a pizza me?"
then the first man takes a bite.

haha sorry ill leave

[Vhoxel]

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag.
You can hide but you can't run.

[Nyte]

This one is one of my personal favourites:
3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:

"Guys, I think I fucked up

[CoachGrump]

Unpoke

[Shankdified]

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear in the distance.
Frightened, he immediately turns around and hopes he hasn't been noticed.
After a few steps he turns around to see that the bear is meandering towards him.
The man sees some shelter in the distance and begins to run towards them, but the bear is gaining ground quickly.
The man begins to lose hope and as he runs, he begins to pray "Oh Lord please let this bear be a christian."

The bear is very close now, the man falls upon his knees, heaving from having run thus far, "OH LORD PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BE A CHRISTIAN!" he prays.
Just before the bear reaches him, something strange happens
The bear get get on his bear knees and puts his bear paws together and prays "Lord, please bless this food I am about to eat."

[Blueboy74]

Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa.
"No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.

[Tango(SCRUB)]

Whats easier then throwing a baby off a roof?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

[ZombieNinja975]

Penis

[Shoomee]

Next tier gaming