08-10-2016, 02:44 PM
Things that should be noted before this post:
1. I am not posting this for forgiveness. I am not posting this to get unbanned. I am not posting this for attention. I am posting this because I feel I have the moral responsibility to apologize for my actions.
2. If this thread is to be deleted and this account is to be banned, so be it. I won't bother again.
3. I don't expect anyone to "trust" in my apology or believe in my regret. Hate on me all you want. Give me as much shit as you want. I don't want ANYONE to defend me as I don't deserve it. I'm sure the majority of the people who see this will believe that every word I say is bullshit, and that's okay, I deserve it, although I guarantee you that I mean every word I say in this post.
4. I will not be reading any of the responses to this thread or be going back on the forums after this. I've seen enough about how disappointing my behavior was and I understand how disappointed you all are, and since I expect a lot of hate and brutally honest replies, i don't want to put myself through reading anymore negative things about me as it only makes me feel worse than I already do.
5. Tbh I'm trying my hardest not to make this post a guilt trip so I'm sorry if it seems like it. Last thing I want to do is guilt people into feeling bad for me.
I guess I'll start by stating a fact. I fucked up. A lot. After nearly two years of being part of this community, I betrayed the community and all of the people here who once saw me as their friend. I said things that no one should EVER say to another person no matter the situation. My immediate reaction towards Brass demoting me to member was pure anger and confusion. I didn't believe I deserved it at all, so I erupted. Anyone who I had recent feud with on frg, I decided to pretty much go "fuck it" and show them that I dislike them in the worst possible way. I'll be blunt here and admit that I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me because no one should react the way I did, but not only 4-5 hours after what I did I was clouded with nothing but a feeling of regret and dread, and for the last few days since this occurred I've felt absolutely horrible. Not because I got myself banned, but because I showed I guess my "true colors" to people who once looked up to me as a staff member and as a friend.
The more I read through the "Nuggie ordeal" thread, however, the more I realize how many chances I received on here, how I didn't deserve most of them, and that demotion was far more than warranted (and as brass said, my ban even more so).If anyone else was in my position they would have lost their rank a long time ago, and I probably should have lost my rank a long time ago seeing how much drama and bullshit I've contributed to this place.
I'm immensely sorry to every single person on frg. I can't even properly put it into words how much remorse is running through me.
Goodbye, and sorry again for, well, everything.
1. I am not posting this for forgiveness. I am not posting this to get unbanned. I am not posting this for attention. I am posting this because I feel I have the moral responsibility to apologize for my actions.
2. If this thread is to be deleted and this account is to be banned, so be it. I won't bother again.
3. I don't expect anyone to "trust" in my apology or believe in my regret. Hate on me all you want. Give me as much shit as you want. I don't want ANYONE to defend me as I don't deserve it. I'm sure the majority of the people who see this will believe that every word I say is bullshit, and that's okay, I deserve it, although I guarantee you that I mean every word I say in this post.
4. I will not be reading any of the responses to this thread or be going back on the forums after this. I've seen enough about how disappointing my behavior was and I understand how disappointed you all are, and since I expect a lot of hate and brutally honest replies, i don't want to put myself through reading anymore negative things about me as it only makes me feel worse than I already do.
5. Tbh I'm trying my hardest not to make this post a guilt trip so I'm sorry if it seems like it. Last thing I want to do is guilt people into feeling bad for me.
I guess I'll start by stating a fact. I fucked up. A lot. After nearly two years of being part of this community, I betrayed the community and all of the people here who once saw me as their friend. I said things that no one should EVER say to another person no matter the situation. My immediate reaction towards Brass demoting me to member was pure anger and confusion. I didn't believe I deserved it at all, so I erupted. Anyone who I had recent feud with on frg, I decided to pretty much go "fuck it" and show them that I dislike them in the worst possible way. I'll be blunt here and admit that I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me because no one should react the way I did, but not only 4-5 hours after what I did I was clouded with nothing but a feeling of regret and dread, and for the last few days since this occurred I've felt absolutely horrible. Not because I got myself banned, but because I showed I guess my "true colors" to people who once looked up to me as a staff member and as a friend.
The more I read through the "Nuggie ordeal" thread, however, the more I realize how many chances I received on here, how I didn't deserve most of them, and that demotion was far more than warranted (and as brass said, my ban even more so).If anyone else was in my position they would have lost their rank a long time ago, and I probably should have lost my rank a long time ago seeing how much drama and bullshit I've contributed to this place.
I'm immensely sorry to every single person on frg. I can't even properly put it into words how much remorse is running through me.
Goodbye, and sorry again for, well, everything.
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