04-02-2019, 05:28 AM
Are you a tard?
Are you struggling with day to day struggles such as breathing with things other than your mouth?
Then this guide is for you.
First of all: Equipment
Melee: Doesn't Matter
Misc: Doesn't Matter
Secondary: Still doesn't fucking matter
Primary: Matters. If you don't know any better ya should go for the gun with the highest power. Galil's are preferred over 95% of all guns.
Crystal: If you have a Crystal Synergizer then good if not then whatever. Without syn just use a reload crystal, and with it you use reload and shock absorb.
Cool ur fucking fully equipped with cool ass shit now, wicked.
Next up is where to motherfucking shoot.
Shoot the NON-Spikey tentacles first.
The ones you do lower damage to.
You get more points and you're doing some solid work on actually bringing the kraken down.
When all NON-Spikeys are down you shoot the spikeys.
Really hard huh? And once all spikeys are down you're gonna be wanting to shoot the kraken IN HIS EYES. Eye damage gives you crits and if you do good enough you have a chance for the untradeable enraged eye, wow!
And if his eyes are down you shoot his ugly ass vagina face.
TLDR; NON-Spikeys>Spikeys>Eyes>Vaginaface. And headcrabs you just shoot whenever you feel like you don't want to die to them.
Now this is just fucking rad, you're just about a kraken slaying god now.
Next up are the krackers attacks.
Lets start with his rape tentacles.
SpikeBoys: They just slam and do a very obvious animation when doing so
Non-SpikeBoys: They can slam like their spike-counterparts but they have a disgusting slimy ace up their sleeve. They can hurls rocks and headcrabs at you.
AND WOULD YOU KNOW IT THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY DAMN EZ TO DEAL WITH. For rocks you, and I know this seems hard to believe, sidestep. And for the headcrab balls you just gun down the little slimy hairy fucker on the spot.
Vaginatus The Mighty: Kraken himself has a couple disgusting attacks up his cooch. For the first down he does jack shit so you can just focus your 2 braincells on shooting and sidestepping. After a certain % damage he's going to start doing his "Focused Balls of Semen" attack. Essentially he targets one players and barrages them with semen. All you have to do here is to just either #1 sidestep or #2 sit behind a tree. You can very easily and clearly see him look at you and begin charging the attack so you can get ready. After he goes below maybe 50% health he starts doing the "Oh I'm fucking coming" squirtmaster attack. It shoots balls all over the place targeting multiple people at once. Dodge the same way you dodged the first attack.
AND NOW for the final attack! THE ALMIGHTY "Anal Cleaver Noob Circle of Cockcrushing". He starts sneakily charging an attack and you're going to feel yourself starting to get pulled in towards him. And then every white knight starts shouting "ULT ULT ULT" and that's how you know it's coming. And how do you dodge it? Well there's going to be a white circle coming rapidly towards you and you just crouch jump over it. And shut the actual fuck up with your "I jumped!" BS.
And that's essentially it.
Positioning wise try finding a place where you don't get actively slammed on but are still close to a tree so you can hide from water balls.
And yes I am writing this shortly after a failed kraken and yes I am being passive agressive, how observant.
Are you struggling with day to day struggles such as breathing with things other than your mouth?
Then this guide is for you.
First of all: Equipment
Melee: Doesn't Matter
Misc: Doesn't Matter
Secondary: Still doesn't fucking matter
Primary: Matters. If you don't know any better ya should go for the gun with the highest power. Galil's are preferred over 95% of all guns.
Crystal: If you have a Crystal Synergizer then good if not then whatever. Without syn just use a reload crystal, and with it you use reload and shock absorb.
Cool ur fucking fully equipped with cool ass shit now, wicked.
Next up is where to motherfucking shoot.
Shoot the NON-Spikey tentacles first.
The ones you do lower damage to.
You get more points and you're doing some solid work on actually bringing the kraken down.
When all NON-Spikeys are down you shoot the spikeys.
Really hard huh? And once all spikeys are down you're gonna be wanting to shoot the kraken IN HIS EYES. Eye damage gives you crits and if you do good enough you have a chance for the untradeable enraged eye, wow!
And if his eyes are down you shoot his ugly ass vagina face.
TLDR; NON-Spikeys>Spikeys>Eyes>Vaginaface. And headcrabs you just shoot whenever you feel like you don't want to die to them.
Now this is just fucking rad, you're just about a kraken slaying god now.
Next up are the krackers attacks.
Lets start with his rape tentacles.
SpikeBoys: They just slam and do a very obvious animation when doing so
Non-SpikeBoys: They can slam like their spike-counterparts but they have a disgusting slimy ace up their sleeve. They can hurls rocks and headcrabs at you.
AND WOULD YOU KNOW IT THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY DAMN EZ TO DEAL WITH. For rocks you, and I know this seems hard to believe, sidestep. And for the headcrab balls you just gun down the little slimy hairy fucker on the spot.
Vaginatus The Mighty: Kraken himself has a couple disgusting attacks up his cooch. For the first down he does jack shit so you can just focus your 2 braincells on shooting and sidestepping. After a certain % damage he's going to start doing his "Focused Balls of Semen" attack. Essentially he targets one players and barrages them with semen. All you have to do here is to just either #1 sidestep or #2 sit behind a tree. You can very easily and clearly see him look at you and begin charging the attack so you can get ready. After he goes below maybe 50% health he starts doing the "Oh I'm fucking coming" squirtmaster attack. It shoots balls all over the place targeting multiple people at once. Dodge the same way you dodged the first attack.
AND NOW for the final attack! THE ALMIGHTY "Anal Cleaver Noob Circle of Cockcrushing". He starts sneakily charging an attack and you're going to feel yourself starting to get pulled in towards him. And then every white knight starts shouting "ULT ULT ULT" and that's how you know it's coming. And how do you dodge it? Well there's going to be a white circle coming rapidly towards you and you just crouch jump over it. And shut the actual fuck up with your "I jumped!" BS.
And that's essentially it.
Positioning wise try finding a place where you don't get actively slammed on but are still close to a tree so you can hide from water balls.
And yes I am writing this shortly after a failed kraken and yes I am being passive agressive, how observant.
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