Alright so for my last AP Language essay we had to write a satirical essay (Rather short sadly) on a topic of any choice, below is what I did. Enjoy , also sidenote this was written in about 30 minutes before I needed it done , but I liked the end result.
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Now who really leads us?
Many years ago, when Al Gore invented the internet and UFO's were a sign of man's impending doom – or was that still Al Gore – society started to focus on the next race after Space and Destruction . . . Technology. This race led to many things generations see as a necessity: Phones, Internet, Computers, Star Bucks , and many other capitalistic spawns. Phones have become the only way mankind can communicate instantaneously and clearly. These not-so-little devices allow for clear and private conversations that nobody could ever find out about , unless they're your mother. These devices let us free up many days a week for things such as : Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. A person just commented and liked your photo about a disfigured pizza slice from the mall? Well they deserve a gold start and a marathon of being Facebook stalked. Your selfie you spent two hours preping for and making sure the lighting is perfect and the lens flare is on and you tweeted before hand a “#Selfie #BombsAway” did not get a single comment? Time to lock yourself away because nobody can understand that feeling of alienation and the only thing who does understand is this phone. Siri knows how you feel – as a complex AI program made from the leftovers of OnStar (s)he certainly knows what alienation feels like – and (s)he is the only one who can help you through this unbearable torture. Second to the devil's contract – obviously the phone companies are the devil himself in disguise – is the ethereal Internet. A sentient being of no emotions and hatred of human life, it has but one goal in life. . . to make sure your 44 hours a week are not wasted on the outside world for that is unforgiving and cruel. Personally, the internet creates a great hub of ideas for people to share for free ,or for a subscription of $1 plus your SSN, it is the online black market that has no reals nor any regulations whats-so-ever , but for the rotten bunch they see it as the Devil himself, reincarnated selling contracts to a glorious machine that requires only one invaluable object . . . your soul. This deal seems fair as many people are willing to sell their soul to a government , so why not sell it to an omnipotent leader that neither cares what race you are or your age. Just that you give it the attention it deserves. The radicals in office can not witness , nor shall they, the almighty that is serving a machine – this was the original intent for the internet to be Skynet – as it does not need our food , water, oil, sun, trees, the very natural things that define what our life was revolved around. The age of man comes closer to this end because as gullible as we were thinking we created machines originally to solve our problems , but as we kept going down this chrome-plated road we never saw what our end was for we were already allured by the limitless possibilities made from a spider-web of servers hosting data we could upload or download at the press of a button.
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Now who really leads us?
Many years ago, when Al Gore invented the internet and UFO's were a sign of man's impending doom – or was that still Al Gore – society started to focus on the next race after Space and Destruction . . . Technology. This race led to many things generations see as a necessity: Phones, Internet, Computers, Star Bucks , and many other capitalistic spawns. Phones have become the only way mankind can communicate instantaneously and clearly. These not-so-little devices allow for clear and private conversations that nobody could ever find out about , unless they're your mother. These devices let us free up many days a week for things such as : Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. A person just commented and liked your photo about a disfigured pizza slice from the mall? Well they deserve a gold start and a marathon of being Facebook stalked. Your selfie you spent two hours preping for and making sure the lighting is perfect and the lens flare is on and you tweeted before hand a “#Selfie #BombsAway” did not get a single comment? Time to lock yourself away because nobody can understand that feeling of alienation and the only thing who does understand is this phone. Siri knows how you feel – as a complex AI program made from the leftovers of OnStar (s)he certainly knows what alienation feels like – and (s)he is the only one who can help you through this unbearable torture. Second to the devil's contract – obviously the phone companies are the devil himself in disguise – is the ethereal Internet. A sentient being of no emotions and hatred of human life, it has but one goal in life. . . to make sure your 44 hours a week are not wasted on the outside world for that is unforgiving and cruel. Personally, the internet creates a great hub of ideas for people to share for free ,or for a subscription of $1 plus your SSN, it is the online black market that has no reals nor any regulations whats-so-ever , but for the rotten bunch they see it as the Devil himself, reincarnated selling contracts to a glorious machine that requires only one invaluable object . . . your soul. This deal seems fair as many people are willing to sell their soul to a government , so why not sell it to an omnipotent leader that neither cares what race you are or your age. Just that you give it the attention it deserves. The radicals in office can not witness , nor shall they, the almighty that is serving a machine – this was the original intent for the internet to be Skynet – as it does not need our food , water, oil, sun, trees, the very natural things that define what our life was revolved around. The age of man comes closer to this end because as gullible as we were thinking we created machines originally to solve our problems , but as we kept going down this chrome-plated road we never saw what our end was for we were already allured by the limitless possibilities made from a spider-web of servers hosting data we could upload or download at the press of a button.
